So as not to have readers confuse my husband with my children (which is entirely possible, trust me), I thought it might be beneficial to introduce the characters that keep me (and you) entertained.
Duke ~ Husband of 17 years. Sweet and a bit shy. Grew up in a small podunk town Vernal, UT and sometimes entertains us with his "Vernalisms".
Duke: "Why can't we turn the sound up to watch the Nascar?"
Chief: "Because, the noise is driving me crazy!"
Duke: "I guess I am going to have to get them to broadcast it in Braille then."
Chief: "Because you are deaf AND blind?" what a dumbass!
Devoted Wife: ring, ring, "Hello honey, I am making your appointment with the knee specialist and I need to know whether you want to see a man or a woman doctor."
Seriously Dr. Phobic Husband: "Well, it depends what day."
Dumbfounded Wife: "Excuse me?"
Bud ~ 14 year old adolescent. Football fanatic. Sweet like his dad but more of a loudmouth like his mother. Always smiling.
Adolescent: desperately "What's wrong with girls?"
Chief: matter of factly "Everything"
Adolescent: high pitched, now "No, really...she asks me a question and I when I try to answer, she either interrupts or just ignores me. But then when she's talked nonstop for hours and I look away for one second she freaks out, folds her arms and pouts."
Adolescent: disgusted "I've decided I think it's safer just sit and keep my mouth shut."
Chief: proudly "Smart boy, now go teach your father what you've learned"
Adolescent whines: "MooOOoom, why didn't I get a Bar Mitzvah when I turned 13?!"
Chief: "Son, We're Mormon"
With pubescent confusion: "Huh?"
Booger ~ 9 year old aspiring rock star. Reserved like his dad and impatient like his mother. Not much of a smiler.
Tired 8 year old: Mom! I am having the worst day ever!
Chief: Why is that Boog?
Whining now: Well, I was thinking of nice things to do for my friend Noah, and then all of the sudden, my left buttcheek hurt like it was on fire!
Noah (Booger's BFF): Why is your light bulb burned out all the time?
Booger: Uh, cuz I keep telling my dad to change it and he doesn't remember cuz he's too busy watching football.
Noah: But it's been like four months!
Booger: Yeah, but it's OK cuz it's summer and I just open the blinds like in the "olden days". When it get's dark I just go to bed.
Moose ~ "community project" (mutt). Jumped out of a moving car onto his noodle when he was a pup and has been medicated for epilepsy ever since. He rides the short bus.
Maggie ~ My only girl. Spoiled Peke-a-poo who weighs in at a whopping 7 lbs. She could possibly be the product of a drunken rendezvous between Paris Hilton and Dirty Harry. She is my favorite child.
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief