The writing on the wall

This post will probably offend some and that is a shame, but I promised myself I would blog as honestly as I could. Yes, I may be a bit dramatic at times and bend the truth for entertainment purposes but in my mind I am forthright.

So I have noticed a trend lately, it started at my sisters house (she is one that may be offended by this post) and because I noticed it there, I can't help but to have my eye drawn to it whenever I enter somewhere that shares the same decor. It just gets bigger and bigger and I believe it has gone out of control...now I see it on vehicles, filing cabinets at work, everywhere.

I'm sure I am not the only one who is irritated by those "stick on" words demanding me to "do" things wherever I go. For example:

Travel or Cook or Love

or the little stick figure families plastered on large minivans all over the state of Utah. I added one to my blog below as an example for those of you who have been so blessed as to have not seen them (you must live in a cave BTW).

I never thought that it would be considered polite to tell your guests what to do the minute they walk in your door. Take the word "LIVE" for example. Well of course I am going live. Are you asking me not to take my own life while I am on your property for insurance purposes? Should I wait until I return home, or go find someone else who may not have the instruction to "live" on their wall? Does that mean it is permissible to off myself there, or do they just have suicide insurance?" How about "EAT" in a kitchen? Derrr....yeah, what else?
And the word "READ" ? I already know you want me to read or you wouldn't have plastered words all over your house that I have no choice but to read.

I know there are many more I have seen, these are just a few of the more popular ones. I will be honest with myself and with readers of this blog (all 3 of you) when I say, although I do not plan to ever participate in this bit of trendy, kitchiness, I can't say never because at one time I said I would NEVER digital scrapbook, NEVER be on Facebook, and NEVER blog. All three of these things I do regularly now and quite enjoy them. So because we all know I am a follower and not a leader I have come up with a few sayings that I will have manufactured in vinyl for our walls. These will be much more practical and I think they will actually make my life easier as long as those that enter my home are polite enough to oblige:

The bathroom could say:

LIFT
POINT
WIPE
FLUSH
and
WASH

In my kitchen I will have:

USE A NAPKIN,
YOUR BUTT IS HUGE
(to keep me from eating ice cream),
and
DON'T FART

In the living room I could use:

DON'T TOUCH THE REMOTE
SIT LIKE A HUMAN BEING
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

As far as the stick figure people on my back window....I won't waste money having anything cut out, I will continue to use what I have used for 13 years. Filthy, greasy hand prints and wet dog noses.

One of a Kind!

Who would have thought? I am one of a kind! Try this, it's fun!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 1 or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

2009 Vacation Scrapbook Pages

January 10-17 2009

Lots of excitement...will it ever end?

What a activity filled week we have had. Aside from Duke's stay in the hospital (he is doing much better, just a bit tired) and Bud fighting another bout of pneumonia, we actually had many more events going on. Just a quick overview.

Bud was Tevye for his 7th Grade Choir performance of Fiddler on the Roof. It was great fun to see him perform and listen to the songs. It blew him away that I had once been in the same play when I was his age. What amazed us all is that how just a few days without shaving results in a luscious beard most mountain men would covet.

"TRADITION! TRADITION!"

We had a school wide culminating event. Here's Bud in front of his History poster and Booger as Abe Lincoln. I think there might be a smile under that beard. We saved tons of cash this week on shaving cream but once we got home, we had a heck of a time mowing through the over growth.

Booger

presented a Bonsai Tree and taught us how to care for it in his classroom culminating event. He did a great job! They have been learning about Japan and he was obsessed with the culture for months. He looked up words on the internet and gave the family Japanese tutoring in the evenings. Thanks for the Karate gee Adi, he looked very authentic. Doesn't he look like he's having a great time?

Boog finally had his Palatal Expander put in at the orthodontist this week. He has been so excited to get this done. At his initial visit a month ago, they gave him some information on all of his upcoming procedures and he read them over and over again. I truly believe he would have no problem passing any exam given to be a fully licensed orthodontist. I was really concerned that it wouldn't live up to his expectations but so far, there have been no complaints. I have to use a tool to crank the appliance open every night. This definitely bothers me more than it does Booger. It is just the first step in years of work to fix his under bite, missing front teeth, and front gap caused by his muscle forcing his two front teeth apart. The next step is a small procedure to remove this muscle. We will keep you posted! I love this picture of him smiling in front of the orthodontist. I want to do a photo diary of the process as it takes place over the next several years. I hope to get a picture in this same spot with each step so we can document the process. It will be interesting to see if the smiles are always this big, even in his teen years. :)

I would like to be able to say that in the next few weeks things will slow down a bit at our house but alas, it is an impossibility. The last weeks of school are always a rat race. The kids are "checking out" and I struggle to keep them focused until the last day. It seems everyone needs their hair colored or cut at the same time. At the school I am responsible to see that all instructional materials, novels, math books, reading books, spelling materials, Science, History, and training items are turned in and inventoried. I need to assess damaged or lost book fines, put together volunteer thank you gifts, organize field day, the school carnival and all end of year testing and assessments. I am training the new Business Manager how to do payroll and closing out this years budget. We had our lunch lady quit so I will be supervising one session of lunches in the lunchroom. This is usually dreadful for me but it may turn out to be the quietest time of my day.

Pray for me.

giggle

Once in a while I come across one that is so "close to home" that it gets a spot on my filing cabinet at work. Here's a copy for my blog

Watch your mouth!

I have a friend at school who is an amazing person. He is a great teacher and an inspirational Christian who serves others like no one I have ever met. I can't begin to list all of the charities he is involved with but last week Duke and I decided that we were going to join him as he served dinner to the homeless the upcoming Sunday (yesterday). He goes at least once a month and takes homemade sandwiches and goodies to the Catholic Services Center downtown (Salvation Army). I told him that rain or shine, wewould be there unless someone was on their deathbed.

Watch out for what you say cuz you don't know who is listening.

Yesterday, I brought Duke into the ER and they admitted him overnight. He has asked that I not blog his illness and I will respect his wishes although I am dying to tell everyone how funny it has been to see him handle his very first hospital stay. I will refrain as I have learned that karma is very real and will come back to bite me in the arse. So my point in posting is...I had to call Mr. C. and tell him we weren't going to make it last night and as we spoke we both couldn't help but laugh at the irony of what I had said earlier in the week. I promise I will never say those words again. Duke is definitely not on his deathbed but agreeing to be admitted to the hospital shows that he thought he might be.

Being in the hospital brings about strange feelings. If you aren't in the maternity ward then it isn't a very happy place (actually, the maternity ward was not a very happy place with my last pregnancy either but that's beside the point). I am sitting here contemplating my mortality. Life can change in an instant. Am I living in a way so that if it changes, I will be prepared for what is to come? I think sometimes we just take life day by day and push through issues as they arise, not preparing for how life may be a month, a year, or decades from now. I am not getting any younger and I don't want to look back and think to myself "Why didn't I enjoy that period of my life more? Did I selfishly and impatiently wish it away?" I have decided to make a point of enjoying more moments for what they are. I will continue the changing process that I started in hopes that I won't have to look back with regrets. Regret, guilt, and fear of the unknown are all obstacles that can inhibit my ability to change for the better. I will also be sure to watch my mouth as, unfortunately for Duke, I rarely use a filter.

Scrapbook Pages

Just a few digital scrapbook pages I wanted to add for journaling purposes. My plan is to print a book of my blog yearly and I know will want these. Click on the photos for a closer look. I will add a few old vacation pages as soon as I have enough pages to wait for blogger to download pictures. Patience isn't my strongest virtue.

Vegas, Sacrifice and Starvation

Duke is in Vegas and I need him to come home now. I am freakin' starving to death! Look at me, I am wasting away to nothing!

(picture taken with a wide angle lens)

update: Bud just asked if this was really my butt...I'm so depressed I may never eat again

Duke does all of the cooking, not only because he is a great husband, but because he hates to clean and he sucks at it anyway so we made a deal that he would cook and I would clean now that I work. I know it sounds like he's getting the raw end of this deal after my Mother's Day post about our filthy house but sometimes the dinners he comes up with are pretty inedible so I figure we are even.

(a recent "Duke Special")

I talk to him occasionally on the phone and he seems to be whooping it up. "Chief, I can't talk now, I am on a shuttle heading to the strip with my buddy" or "Sorry I didn't call earlier, I had to go to dinner with the guys. It would've looked bad if I didn't." What a bunch of horse crap! I am starving to death and he is off stuffin' his carcass with buffet dinners. I am digging up random fixings to feed the kids while he gallivants down the Vegas Strip with his posse! Oh he claims that going out of town is stressful, that it is terrible sleeping in a strange bed, eating out every meal for free, watching whatever he wants on T.V., sitting in the hot tub sipping iced tea. But I wasn't born yesterday you know!

I see through the facade. I think it's time for me to start sacrificing a little and go out of town for business. They have Cosmetology Conferences all the time, in fact there is a Fun Cruise every year for hairdressers. I would be forced to float through the Mexican Riviera, trapped on a boat without any children or husbands, I wouldn't be allowed to make any beds or do any dishes.

(See how skinny I will be by then without food?)

Just think about the heartache I would feel as I slept until noon, snoozed on the Lido deck, drinking virgin daiquiris watching gay men demonstrate new hair color techniques. It would be awful but I am willing to sacrifice anything for my family. I'm booking it tomorrow and writing it off as a business expense. I've lost a little weight so I will need to buy all new clothes for the trip and a new sun hat. I will expect great sympathy and a break when I get home from my business trip as I'm sure I will be exhausted.

Mission Monkey

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Mothers Day

So I didn't have one of those "magical" mothers days that we dream about when we are young.

My kids whined, my husband and I were both exhausted from a week that went out of control like a runaway train, and I made the mistake of telling Duke not to get me anything and so he didn't. I don't fault him for this, he can't read my mind, I just had hoped that Mother's Day would be different than any other day, that somehow it would be a special day. Maybe something like this:

or this:

or remember the laundry basket full of mismatched socks that, by the way have not been touched since the dreaded incident? Those could've miraculously matched themselves!

I should mention that Bud did make a shelf for me and earned his woodworking merit badge (leave it to Bud to take care of his mommy). I can't wait until I find a spot for it so I can get some of the crap off of my bathroom counter top. I suppose not all was lost but I still wanted to have a pity party.

By Monday I had gotten over it somewhat when I got to work ready for another crazy week. Duke is out of town and the end of the school year is one of the busiest times for me at work. One of the employees that helps me out quite a bit, quit unexpectedly Monday afternoon and when I finally left to go home that night, I knew the next 30 hours were going to be rough. My new calling is Enrichment Committee and I had been put in charge of one of our monthly activities called "Taste of Home". This is when someone hosts a get together at their home and chooses a dish that they would like more recipe ideas for. Everyone shows up that night with their dish and a recipe to share. It is actually a very fun activity but I made the mistake of offering to host this months event at my home for a friend who had to cancel. It was scheduled for Tuesday at 7:00 p.m.

My house was not ready for the Relief Society ladies to come in to, believe me! I refuse to sugar coat the fact that my boys are really messy (all 3) and after several years of trying to keep up, I decided I did not want to fight a battle I could not win so I came to work for the school (a total cop out). Well, my house has suffered and by Monday night, as I looked around at my insurmountable task I felt so overwhelmed at what I saw. Shawna had been a good friend and offered to come help when I told her about my predicament earlier that day at work but I am so afraid to let anyone really see the way we live that I refused her offer like I have so many times with so many people.

I had scheduled my parents to come over that night for hair cuts and a color for my mom and as I stood there finishing my mother's hair the look of exhaustion and panic must've shown on my face as I told them about what the next day entailed. They had pre-bought tickets to a movie and were on their way as soon as they were done with hair. My mom insisted that she miss the movie and stay and help me clean. I am such an independent soul and I truly get knots in my stomach when I think about asking my parents for help of any kind. I tried to protest but deep down it was a half hearted effort. I knew I was sunk and after stewing over every inch of the public spaces of my house, I had no choice but to allow her to help. She raced home to gather her cleaning supplies and returned ready to attack my filth. I tried to get her to use the face masks that Adi gave me from our emergency preparedness kit, but she rolled her eyes and just got to work. We scrubbed, we laughed, she did a great job tempering her disgust at my garbage's when she insisted I throw the whole can away rather than try to clean it. She got down in the nooks and crannies of my floor boards and the refrigerator grate. She cleaned my cabinet fronts, and walls, blinds, and windows.

(I found a picture that looks just like her)

I can't really describe how I felt because I was so humbled, embarrassed, tired and panicked all at the same time. Duke came home and was shocked to see that was allowing anyone to do this for me and I just smiled and told him I was drowning and I needed help. I know we didn't get as much done as she had hoped (we could have worked through the night and still not finished everything that had been neglected) but my house looked great and I realized that night that I needed my mom and I love that she wanted to help. I am grateful I gave in and accepted it, not only for the clean house but for the chance to add one more link in the mother-daughter bond. I know she rarely gets around to reading all of her kids blog ramblings and she doesn't know how to comment yet and that is O.K. I just want to document for the record that I LOVE MY MOM! Mother's day became different for me than I expected. It wasn't about the DAY, or about me and how I should be honored...it was about my mom and the realization that I need her.

(oooo she hates pictures of herself, I promise, I picked the best one mom!)

P.S. You can stop crying now mom...I know I rarely get mushy so it is a rare treat for you. :)