Im here today, but just for a second!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
Happy 30th
I've been sending you all over the blogosphere lately.
Im here today, but just for a second!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
Im here today, but just for a second!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
Come see and then leave asap! You wont be disappointed!
I am asking for help for my friend.
This is what the blogging community has become for me. We can use the internet for so much more than just talking about what we cooked for dinner people! It's about getting the word out when someone needs us.
SUPAH NEEDS OUR HELP!
I Hijacked her blog and put up a post and it is sofa king hilarious! She needs her friends right now.
Go read it and leave her some words of encouragement!
NOW! DAMNIT!
This is what the blogging community has become for me. We can use the internet for so much more than just talking about what we cooked for dinner people! It's about getting the word out when someone needs us.
SUPAH NEEDS OUR HELP!
I Hijacked her blog and put up a post and it is sofa king hilarious! She needs her friends right now.
Go read it and leave her some words of encouragement!
NOW! DAMNIT!
As we type this, she is getting IV fluids and asking for Pizza bless her heart she is just like her mother. Pray for her, she still has time to change (just jokes Supah.. snort)....
Supah is exhausted. A week of the stomach flu and a sister who caught it while helping her care for her peanuts while she herself was shitting through a screen door.
WE CAN BOOST HER UP! SO LETS DO IT!
(p.s. Don't tell her we broke in to her blog.)
Supah is exhausted. A week of the stomach flu and a sister who caught it while helping her care for her peanuts while she herself was shitting through a screen door.
WE CAN BOOST HER UP! SO LETS DO IT!
(p.s. Don't tell her we broke in to her blog.)
no comments here. go to Supah's and read me there and comment for Supah!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
Stick it Supah.... Apples, porn and midgets (OH MY!)
Try it... you'll like it.
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
Watch out... Im pissed off. You have been warned.
I am so tired of the sick mother cluckers in this world pushing their disgustingness on to my kids.
I buy an ipod touch for the adolescent and within 5 minutes he has it turned on and is downloading free apps. I'm in a bit of a haze, trying to clean up the aftermath of Christmas morning so I let him oogle at it for 30 minutes before I take a look at it. Guess what I found? One of the free apps that is offered on the front page of the apps store is "Boobies, Boobies, Boobies"!
With in one second, my 13 year old could have clicked and had a whole new kind of education into the world of porn.
From his MP3 player?
That I purchased.
WTF!!!
Does Apple not monitor this crap? They just approve whatever apps pay the most for advertising?
Oh I pity the fool that gets my letter over at Apple! I am on this sh!t like white on rice. They are no better than the pigs that make the apps in the first place.
The sick farkers that think it's funny to infiltrate my family with their complete dysfunction and filthy existence make me ill.
I should feel sorry for them because obviously their lives are so worthless that they have nothing better to do than look at naked people. "Misery loves company"...
Just stay away from my kids you nasty pieces of crap or I will hunt you down and slice off your testicles with my nail file. Then I will shove them up your a$$.
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
I buy an ipod touch for the adolescent and within 5 minutes he has it turned on and is downloading free apps. I'm in a bit of a haze, trying to clean up the aftermath of Christmas morning so I let him oogle at it for 30 minutes before I take a look at it. Guess what I found? One of the free apps that is offered on the front page of the apps store is "Boobies, Boobies, Boobies"!
With in one second, my 13 year old could have clicked and had a whole new kind of education into the world of porn.
From his MP3 player?
That I purchased.
WTF!!!
Does Apple not monitor this crap? They just approve whatever apps pay the most for advertising?
Oh I pity the fool that gets my letter over at Apple! I am on this sh!t like white on rice. They are no better than the pigs that make the apps in the first place.
The sick farkers that think it's funny to infiltrate my family with their complete dysfunction and filthy existence make me ill.
Dick Cheney... that's funny huh? snort ™ even when Im pissed Im funny.
I should feel sorry for them because obviously their lives are so worthless that they have nothing better to do than look at naked people. "Misery loves company"...
Just stay away from my kids you nasty pieces of crap or I will hunt you down and slice off your testicles with my nail file. Then I will shove them up your a$$.
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
Christmas leftovers without the fruitcake!
So here is one from the archives.
If you are totally sick of the leftovers, you can go over to The Sumo Girls blog and check me out over there where I am swearing off food (sorta).
Duke is in Vegas and I need him to come home now. I am freakin' starving to death! Look at me, I am wasting away to nothing!
(picture taken with a wide angle lens)
update: Bud just asked if this was really my butt...I'm so depressed I may never eat again
Duke does all of the cooking, not only because he is a great husband, but because he hates to clean and he sucks at it anyway so we made a deal that he would cook and I would clean now that I work full time. I know it sounds like he's getting the raw end of this deal after my Mother's Day post about our filthy house but sometimes the dinners he comes up with are pretty inedible so I figure we are even.
(a recent "Duke Special")
I talk to him occasionally on the phone and he seems to be whooping it up.
"Chief, I can't talk now, I am on a shuttle heading to the strip with my buddy" or
"Sorry I didn't call earlier, I had to go to dinner with the guys. It would've looked bad if I didn't."
What a bunch of horse crap! I am starving to death and he is off stuffin' his carcass with buffet dinners. I am digging up random fixings to feed the kids while he gallivants down the Vegas Strip with his posse! Oh he claims that going out of town is stressful, that it is terrible sleeping in a strange bed, eating out every meal for free, watching whatever he wants on T.V., sitting in the hot tub sipping iced tea. But I wasn't born yesterday you know!
I see through the facade. I think it's time for me to start sacrificing a little and go out of town for business. They have Cosmetology Conferences all the time, in fact there is a Fun Cruise every year for hairdressers. I would be forced to float through the Mexican Riviera, trapped on a boat without any children or husbands, I wouldn't be allowed to make any beds or do any dishes.
(See how skinny I will be by then without food?)
Just think about the heartache I would feel as I slept until noon, snoozed on the Lido deck, drinking virgin daiquiris watching gay men demonstrate new hair color techniques. It would be awful but I am willing to sacrifice anything for my family. I'm booking it tomorrow and writing it off as a business expense. I've lost a little weight so I will need to buy all new clothes for the trip and a new sun hat. I will expect great sympathy and a break when I get home from my business trip as I'm sure I will be exhausted.
(a recent "Duke Special")
"Chief, I can't talk now, I am on a shuttle heading to the strip with my buddy" or
"Sorry I didn't call earlier, I had to go to dinner with the guys. It would've looked bad if I didn't."
What a bunch of horse crap! I am starving to death and he is off stuffin' his carcass with buffet dinners. I am digging up random fixings to feed the kids while he gallivants down the Vegas Strip with his posse! Oh he claims that going out of town is stressful, that it is terrible sleeping in a strange bed, eating out every meal for free, watching whatever he wants on T.V., sitting in the hot tub sipping iced tea. But I wasn't born yesterday you know!
I see through the facade. I think it's time for me to start sacrificing a little and go out of town for business. They have Cosmetology Conferences all the time, in fact there is a Fun Cruise every year for hairdressers. I would be forced to float through the Mexican Riviera, trapped on a boat without any children or husbands, I wouldn't be allowed to make any beds or do any dishes.
(See how skinny I will be by then without food?)
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
The best gift ever
While Jaden is sick with fevers and mouth sores and general yuckiness this Christmas, his parents updated us just now on some wonderful news and I can't think of a better day to celebrate a miracle with all of my cyber friends:
Julie wrote at 10:30 AM 12/24 - "Jaden's scan from yesterday shows complete response to treatment! No neuroblastoma cells seen anywhere!! A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!"
I am truly humbled, thank you all for the prayers and faith that made this miracle happen.
Mike
WAHOOO!!
Merry Christmas to you and yours! Hug your kids tight and keep the prayers coming for Jaden and all children who may be away from home this Holiday Season!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
I caught Santa! That fat S.O.B.!
So I finally got around to uploading a pic and adding the "Catchacharacter" to it for Christmas Eve. Seriously! This was so easy I think Princess of Sarcasm can even do it!
If you order through the link below half of the proceeds go to Jaden's family to help them pay for medical expenses. It's less than $10! (Pray for this little punkin head as he is coming off another Chemo treatment and isn't feeling his best. Pray he can have Christmas at home!)
Here's my photo. Booger is going to freak when he sees it!
So go over and pick one up. It takes 5 minutes and you can either print it yourself or zip it over to Walgreens or Walmart etc. and have it printed in 1 hour.
Merry Christmas to everyone and your families!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
It's finally here! My ass sprawled out on a new blog design!
Do you see my snazzy new blog!?
O.K. so I'm not stupid. Some of you are in your readers and can't see it and that's a damned shame because it is totally bitchin'. The rest of you are pro'lly just have floods of emotions over the plethra of eye candy that you beholdeth. No need to thank me...
Amber over at Amber's Life helped me with the coding to get my dimensions just where I wanted them and helped designed my header and new button and she didn't charge me an arm and a leg either. Supahmommy helped me tweak all the fine details to make it look just right and didn't even complain when I had her change the elements 500 times (she is a 1 of a kind friend, *I even cyber hugged her*) Jennifer Sherback did an amazing job on my custom image for my header, badges and button. I told her what I wanted and Voila! She spit it right out lickity split. Contact her directly at (jsherback11 (at) hotmail.com)...she's a freakin genius.
So in honor of my big week.
203 followers
new blog design
devastating loss in the effing Christmas Card contest....
drumroll....
I am a woman of my word
like how I made it tiny? ~snort! ©
I'm such a cheater
P.S. If you see some jacked up crap with the blog, please be a champ and let me know. It looks fine from my dumbass Mac and from my smokin hot new PC... but you know how finicky things can get and I would love any feedback you have! (anything looks outta place and we will blame Supah)
I'm such a cheater
I also promised some lucky winner all of the goodies from my mountain of crap at school (k... so I ate some caramel corn and a Toffee Symphony Bar, but there was a ton of other stuff left over! From candles to scotch tape, to punkin' bread, and ceramic bells. Dollar store bath soaps, and smiley face stickers... the list goes on and on. So I threw the names of all the voters in a hat and pulled out....
MEme
I coulda just fluffed in my panties I was laughin' so hard! MEme does not have a blog of her own. She just faithfully reads mine every day. Believe me, she wasn't thrilled at the win because as luck would have it, she works with me and got almost exactly the same shit on her desk! So if you live in the area and find a pile of white elephant gifts on the side of the road, you know that MEme littered and you should call the authorities.
P.S. If you see some jacked up crap with the blog, please be a champ and let me know. It looks fine from my dumbass Mac and from my smokin hot new PC... but you know how finicky things can get and I would love any feedback you have! (anything looks outta place and we will blame Supah)
(I believe if you have internet explorer, you may have to scroll and scroll and scroll to read this... sorry, working on the problem... ahem... SUPAH!!!!!!!!!)
Stick it Supah.... 11:00 p.m. style
The day we wait for all week.
Go over and give Supah some love. It's been quite a week and she could use some bloggy chest bumps! Tell her Chiefy sent you and she needs to put down the toffee!
Here's my attempt at cleverness after 11:00 p.m. Leave me a comment so I know you are all still with me after my week away!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
Sweet Justice.
I'm wondering if there is anyone out there with video producing skillz. I will sing, MIITB will dance, Supah.... well... Supah will backup sing and Cessy... you just stand at look skinny.
I hope Ebay sees this cuz I would love to make the video about the injustice with Jadens Auction
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
I hope Ebay sees this cuz I would love to make the video about the injustice with Jadens Auction
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
My latest twitter and Facebook updates and contest results
Help! Does anyone know someone@ ebay that I can talk 2 personally. Im hoping that because they R local (UTAH) I can find someone 2 help Supah! She talked to 4 different reps there that promised fees would B waived 4 our Auction 4 Jaden, a sweet boy who is fighting cancer. Now they R rescinding & not follwing thru on THEIR reps promise and insisting the fees B paid out of my friends pocket. Please contact me if U can help! pass along to all you think might help please.
By now, after following me forever... you should be familiar with Supahmommy.
Please go get all the updates on the debacle there!
She is the most caring, selfless person I have ever met and she needs our help to fight this travesty!
PS. didn't win the photo contest due to "fine print details" (always read the fine print people). I did, however sweep (like obliderate) it in popular votes due to those of you who were crazy enough to go over and vote each day (I love you BTW and I know who you are). I kinda feel bad asking you to do it under the assumption that it was a contest based solely on popular votes and then someone else taking the prize. I did get the consolation gift of which I am sending to Supah for her to give to Jaden, so it is not all for nothing.
HEY! CHINS UP! I WILL POST MY UNPHOTOSHOPPED ASS AND I STILL NEED TO GIVE AWAY ALL OF MY LOOT SO STAY TUNED FOR THAT BIT FOR HOLIDAY GOODNESS!! RIGHT? THAT'S GOOD eh?
Seriously though, I had fun watching everyone rally for me and now that I have a work break, I will send some holiday cheer your way each day (or almost).
Loves to everyone!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
By now, after following me forever... you should be familiar with Supahmommy.
Please go get all the updates on the debacle there!
She is the most caring, selfless person I have ever met and she needs our help to fight this travesty!
PS. didn't win the photo contest due to "fine print details" (always read the fine print people). I did, however sweep (like obliderate) it in popular votes due to those of you who were crazy enough to go over and vote each day (I love you BTW and I know who you are). I kinda feel bad asking you to do it under the assumption that it was a contest based solely on popular votes and then someone else taking the prize. I did get the consolation gift of which I am sending to Supah for her to give to Jaden, so it is not all for nothing.
HEY! CHINS UP! I WILL POST MY UNPHOTOSHOPPED ASS AND I STILL NEED TO GIVE AWAY ALL OF MY LOOT SO STAY TUNED FOR THAT BIT FOR HOLIDAY GOODNESS!! RIGHT? THAT'S GOOD eh?
Seriously though, I had fun watching everyone rally for me and now that I have a work break, I will send some holiday cheer your way each day (or almost).
Loves to everyone!
NOW GO FIGHT THE EBAY A-HOLES!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
The big one is coming up. Stay alert.
Im sure you have all noticed. waited. anticipated. Yes, I have 2 more followers to 200.
sigh
It's a big deal ya know.... having 200 people actually take interest in the things that I find ridiculous.
validation for the stupidity that surrounds me.
no, I'm not going to have a contest, award a prize the the 200th follower. Ive always found that a bit strange. Giving someone a prize because they finally clicked the follow button and in turn, screwing over the other suckers who might have been following you for a year. Whatev. suit yerself if you wanna reward that with naked lady playing cards or a bakers dozen of day old donuts. Not Chief. Im gonna just keep givin' to those who really love me.
YES, I AM TALKING ABOUT THE VOTERS PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE TIME EACH DAY TO THINK ABOUT ME ENOUGH TO HOBBLE OVER TO Parenting BY Dummies AND VOTE #29 IN THE COMMENT FORM. (you thought I forgot, dintchew!?) No sirree! Im still vying for the prize and theres a close 2nd to my Effing Christmas Card that is catching up quick so every vote counts!
Do you want to see my picture of my fatass un photoshopped? Do you want all of my goodies from my endearing students? (minus the homemade caramel corn from Marci that was absolutely divine and totally not on the Sumo Diet). M-Cat has come up with a great plan... use them for white elephants! ~snort! Why dint I think of that? DONTCHA WANT THAT?
THEN GO VOTE.. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRYSLER!
(It has come to Chief's attention that there may be one or two of my competitors who may or may not be sayin' naughty things about my kids and my fat dumbass. It's OK sore losers, do what you have to.... SUPAH IS ON MY SIDE NOW (yeah she gave up) AND WE ARE GOINNA TAKE YOUR SKINNY, DUMBASSES DOWN! This may not be a fair contest in the end as some of complained but I know PBD will do the right thing and vote the best the WINNAH!)
P.S. I officially have six more hours with the 500 little darlings at work tomorrow before I have two glorious weeks off to sit with this 'puter and reconnect with EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. of my blogging buddies again. Thats right! I am coming for you so you better have your blog cleaned and your comment button shined and ready!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
sigh
It's a big deal ya know.... having 200 people actually take interest in the things that I find ridiculous.
validation for the stupidity that surrounds me.
no, I'm not going to have a contest, award a prize the the 200th follower. Ive always found that a bit strange. Giving someone a prize because they finally clicked the follow button and in turn, screwing over the other suckers who might have been following you for a year. Whatev. suit yerself if you wanna reward that with naked lady playing cards or a bakers dozen of day old donuts. Not Chief. Im gonna just keep givin' to those who really love me.
YES, I AM TALKING ABOUT THE VOTERS PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE TIME EACH DAY TO THINK ABOUT ME ENOUGH TO HOBBLE OVER TO Parenting BY Dummies AND VOTE #29 IN THE COMMENT FORM. (you thought I forgot, dintchew!?) No sirree! Im still vying for the prize and theres a close 2nd to my Effing Christmas Card that is catching up quick so every vote counts!
Do you want to see my picture of my fatass un photoshopped? Do you want all of my goodies from my endearing students? (minus the homemade caramel corn from Marci that was absolutely divine and totally not on the Sumo Diet). M-Cat has come up with a great plan... use them for white elephants! ~snort! Why dint I think of that? DONTCHA WANT THAT?
THEN GO VOTE.. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRYSLER!
(It has come to Chief's attention that there may be one or two of my competitors who may or may not be sayin' naughty things about my kids and my fat dumbass. It's OK sore losers, do what you have to.... SUPAH IS ON MY SIDE NOW (yeah she gave up) AND WE ARE GOINNA TAKE YOUR SKINNY, DUMBASSES DOWN! This may not be a fair contest in the end as some of complained but I know PBD will do the right thing and vote the best the WINNAH!)
P.S. I officially have six more hours with the 500 little darlings at work tomorrow before I have two glorious weeks off to sit with this 'puter and reconnect with EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. of my blogging buddies again. Thats right! I am coming for you so you better have your blog cleaned and your comment button shined and ready!
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
How I became smarter... and meet my friends
So I learn-ed sumpin' I thought I would share with all my bloggin buddies. Yes, I pulled a major "Dumbass" and in all fairness to every other dumbass who has graced this blogspot, I thought I should spill the beans.
I learn-ed that when the weatherman (or chick) says that the temperature "feels like" 8 degrees they are talking about the "Wind Chill Factor" not the "Windshield Factor".
I am 36 years old and I now understand that they aren't testing the windshields temperature. How did I learn this you ask? After I asked Duke how the hell they can accurately gauge something like that.
Chief ..."Wouldn't it depend on how fast yer goin'?"
Duke... "Whaaaa?"
(score 1 for Duke) current tally:
Chief - 1,367
Duke - 1
Without further ado. These are the loyal friends who I love with all my black heart for taking a second to go over and vote for my Merry Effing Christmas Card over at Parenting BY Dummies.
(Yes, I copied and pasted every single one of the votes with their links to their blogs. That is how much I appreciate you)
Please go over and visit these people. They are the best, every. single. one. of. them. This will be a fun way to meet new people and network to new blogs.
I will continue to add your link and your name each day to the list and post them. So go over and vote. It is nip and tuck with a few of the other contestants and some of them are saying I don't deserve to win because my kids are older and the prizes are for babies. I don't understand this argument. It's all good though coz y'all are going to pull it out for THE BIG CHIEF!
Go Here to Parenting BY Dummies and go to comments and add #29 in your comment.
I learn-ed that when the weatherman (or chick) says that the temperature "feels like" 8 degrees they are talking about the "Wind Chill Factor" not the "Windshield Factor".
I am 36 years old and I now understand that they aren't testing the windshields temperature. How did I learn this you ask? After I asked Duke how the hell they can accurately gauge something like that.
Chief ..."Wouldn't it depend on how fast yer goin'?"
Duke... "Whaaaa?"
(score 1 for Duke) current tally:
Chief - 1,367
Duke - 1
Without further ado. These are the loyal friends who I love with all my black heart for taking a second to go over and vote for my Merry Effing Christmas Card over at Parenting BY Dummies.
(Yes, I copied and pasted every single one of the votes with their links to their blogs. That is how much I appreciate you)
Please go over and visit these people. They are the best, every. single. one. of. them. This will be a fun way to meet new people and network to new blogs.
I will continue to add your link and your name each day to the list and post them. So go over and vote. It is nip and tuck with a few of the other contestants and some of them are saying I don't deserve to win because my kids are older and the prizes are for babies. I don't understand this argument. It's all good though coz y'all are going to pull it out for THE BIG CHIEF!
Go Here to Parenting BY Dummies and go to comments and add #29 in your comment.
#29 - I can't have her pissed at me.
Besides, I want to see her un-photoshopped ass
Besides, I want to see her un-photoshopped ass
*29 sorry Supah but ya know the unphtotshopped tushie was the clincher for me lol
I vote for #29....... as long as she has my back against supah..... god help me! LOL :D
number 29...ok now Im off to go into hiding;)
#29
shhhhhhh....don't tell supah.....or I keel you.....
shhhhhhh....don't tell supah.....or I keel you.....
29, 29, 29!!!!
29, baby!
I vote for #29.
#29...Gotta help Chief!
New Day (in my time zone), new vote! #29
A vote for 'Hiding from the Kids'!!
#29! Go 29!
They're all too funny!
They're all too funny!
AAaaaaa...?...29......Yup! #29!
I vote for #29!
I vote for #29.
Number 29!
New day, new vote. 29!
these are hilarious!!!!!! #29 for sure!!!!!
I admit it..my vote can be bought....for the right price, that is!
# 29 is the best!!! Supah sucks :)
I vote for #29 because I can be bought for very little.
#29...today's vote, anyway...running away in fear now...
#29!!!! All the Way!
My vote is for #29. Because that is a classic family pic showing each member's personal dynamic. And because #29 read all my post-it notes.
And #28 would take second place if I could pick second place.
And #28 would take second place if I could pick second place.
I am going with 29.
29 rocks!!!!
c'mon... i wanna prize too # 29 puhleze!!!!!
# 29.... did you really poof those candy canes out???
#29 is a gem
Voting for number 29 today. :)
OK, #29! Giving it up for Hiding from the Kids and good ol' Chief!
And for yesterday, (which I missed), here's another vote for #29, Chief and Hiding From the Kids!
Vote for #29 today!
I vote for Chief, #29.
Numba 29
29, 29, 29
#29 because Chief said so! LOL
#29 because Chief rocks!
And again, I say 29. 29, I say.
Vote #29 because they're the craziest family in blogoland.
I'd vote for #29 even if I wasn't being bribed to do so!
Put me down for number 29 pleeeez!
THX
THX
# 29
#29!!!!!!
I vote for # 29
And I'm your newest follower!
;-)
And I'm your newest follower!
;-)
#29 please!
two nine. as in 29.
29
As i say this very quietly so supah does hear this... I am voting for number #29.... shhhhhhhhhhhh
#29 hail the chief
#29 hail the chief
I'ma throw my hat in the ring on Cheify's behalf/behind whatevs...
#29!! Rah!
#29!! Rah!
Remember:
It's not always necessary to reach out and touch the ones you love when the middle finger will do... -Chief
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