PLEASE make her shut UP already!

Its taken me 4 days to recover from the happenings of last weekend.





I was in Vegas with this woman

 Wait...   you dont know who this is just by looking at the picture?








Its her....

look how freaking obnoxious she is.. showing off her lego sculpture like the rest of us dont know how to stick plastic crap together and call it a stoplight.  The colors are even all wrong!  RED GOES ON TOP DUMBASS!

I want y'all to notice how disgusted I  am in the background. 

Everywhere I turned she was trying to steal my thunder.. rain on my parade, outdo my obvious awesomeness.

I was embarrassed for her really.  Constantly trying to make up for her social retardation.

Especially when she came out of the bathroom one morning wearing the shirt BEDAZZLED  "I AM SUPAH!"  I knew then she had issues deeper than I had ever imagined.

snort

But moving on...  away from the crazy...

Remember I told ya I was gonna hire a prostitute masseuse?  I did it.. and guess what?  

me likey

I asked lots of questions and made great friends with my new rubbing friend during the "service".  I had no idea they were used to the quiet.. I thought she was very happy to have someone to chat with.  I asked if she wanted to follow me into the shower to continue the conversation and she declined.  Im sure she was super busy.

So I was all for this after feeling how wonderful and relaxed I was ALL OVER until I learned something very important.  Did you know that when you get a massage all the lactic acid in your muscles gets released and you get major acid poop for days if you dont flush your system with water?  Bet you didnt know that.

Did you know when you get acid poo you should not count on her to be sympathetic to your issues?

She just keeps doing this while you are hurting literally from the inside out.  Taunting you with her food and incessant intake of alcohol.

ahem.. I thought we were going to stop talking about her?

please stay with me

WHAT DID YOU JUST ASK ME?  "Why were you in Vegas Chief?"  

ahem.. Im glad you asked... let me fill you in...  I went for a Macaroni Kid Convention and it was amazing.  Seriously the women all over the country that work with this company are beyond incredible.  We all have the same goals and the collaboration between publishers was so refreshing.  If you want to write, make money, while working around your kids schedules.. email me and we can get you set up!  YOU WONT REGRET IT!

Not one of these ladies even cared that I was a Mormon and didnt drink alcohol or coffee or gamble... no one except this cutie patootie.... he kept shoving alcohol in my hands until just being around the fumes made me so whatever it is Im doing here.

WHO'S THAT YOU ASK?

Why ITS MEEKO FABULOUS from Ramblings of a Disgruntled Secretary.  I lurve him and even let him hug me two times.  I thought he was going to slap my ass at one point but a quick look out of the corner of my eye and he wisely decided against it.

It was SO fun to finally meet up with him and not have to listen to HER jabber on and on for a while.  If I would have known that calling her out to the blogging world regarding her apparent mute status would light a fire to her tongue I would have totally thought twice.  My ears are still ringing.

Who else did I meet?  Is that what you asked?

Besides all the great publishers, Meeko and whats her name.. I met these two... crazy ladies who hitched a ride in my convertible Sebring to The Strip for some boob flashing and full moons....

 and I met these hysterical bloggers who joined the Macaroni team...

That's Bree from Breebee.com  and Shayna from Texas Monkey. They are related to each other through marriage and we had a great lunch watching Supah eat and get sloshed while I had butt pee.

WHAT A WEEKEND!  I seriously didnt miss home at all...  I coulda stayed for another week.  

This adventure taught me that its ok to do sh!t for myself (I didnt say that I sh!t myself)  I said DO SH!T for myself.. its ok to pay too much for a massage, rent a fancy car, get a pedicure, meet up with friends and refuel.. 

Its ok because I am a better person for it and therefore a better wife and mother...

now if I could just stop this ringing...