You know you want to... You know you can't stand it....

'member this?

I'm wanting to try it again...

Im kinda in a funk.. my mojo is the shizz.. I need to get my funny back.  I'm getting ready for this to happen and you can cut the tension in this joint with a knife.

So I gotta do something wild and dangerous... I gotta live on the edge...

This is how it works for those who ride the short bus<--Supah

You want to know stuff about me that you think I won't dare answer?<--- I know you do.. Im like your kids science project

This is your chance.  ASK AWAY!  Anything goes<---unless I decide I don't like you because you are skinnier than I am or have a better complexion, in that case... kiss my fatass

Post the question in comments so everyone can see...

If you need inspiration.. go see the questions and answers from before.  That way we don't double up questions cuz that would be so freakin' boring. 

Pretend I'm fascinating and you can't get enough of me.  Pretend I have the answers to the universe.  Pretend I am ...

WTF is wrong with her here?

Got it?  Do it now.. I will post the answers this weekend, sometime when Im not eating, sleeping or thinking about eating or sleeping.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh and for those of you who are readers of Supah and her hilarious antics...

I know something about this post that you don't know.  Duke and I had a discussion with her about this 8 months ago.<---when she couldn't get the song out of her head...  I'm working up the know how courage to sing it to y'all... in the flesh... another Chief original movie.  I know your sphincters are puckered with excitement.. I gotta know people really want it or I'm not going to put myself through the trouble of finding the transfer cable to the video camera.    oh, and I doubt I have enough readers to get to 200 so your gonna have to send your friends to vote too.

UPDATE:  THE VOTE WIDGET IS A MOTARD! VOTE in comments I will open it to anonymous for this post.  IF any DRAMA Llamas leave shitty comments I will FIND YOU through my super duper SKILLZ and make you wish you were never born.

SQUEEEEeeee!

Guess where I will be tonight at 8:30?

nuff said....


disclaimer... if you aint a Twilight fan I won't be a hay-tah on you.  I just ask you to keep your opinions to yourself or I will send my werewolf to your house to rip your nipples off.

Let's talk about stuff where I ramble and have no idea what this post is about.

What do y'all think of the word vanity?

I wouldn't think of myself as vain... I mean, I like to have my nails done and my lipstick on usually before I leave the house.. but other than that, how can I even think of myself as vain with the crap I've pulled on this blog... in front of millions both of my readers?


but seriously... you should see what I look like right now.  You would not think I was vain at all.

So I was looking for a pic on google to post right here that would give you an idea of my appearance right at this very second and ran across this little number:

I freakin owned that shirt several years back! Yah the ugly one with the stripes...  LOOK AT THE CHANGES IN KATE!

SO I googled some more... and found this:

Which picture of her do you like best?

I say the one where she stole my shirt to wear for the paparazzi...

and just a heads up...

I'm getting something else free for reviewing a product from CSN Stores.  I don't want to hear any back talk about it either.. complaining that I am pimping out my readers for free stuff... pshaw!  Y'all just keep quiet and laugh at my ridiculousness and I will worry about the pimping.  CSN stores is HUGE!  Seriously, when its time for me to spend my gift card I just click and stare for hours trying to decide what to buy.  There is so much good stuff!  I will tell you all about it soon.

So wait for it... it's coming.. I will make it worth your read, I promise.

Now, back to Kate... place your vote in comments please, don't let the shirt bias your vote either.. snort

I confess... I love Big Balls and I might be getting into some trouble

Go play at Glamazon's place.  Tell her I sent you...  on second thought, don't tell her... I don't want her to know what kinda riff raff I got reading my crap over here.

I have one confession this week...

I love the BIG BALLS!<---just saying it makes you laugh doesn't it?  <---if not, you are dead inside

seriously... who doesn't love this?  There are nights I watch this and I am laughing to tears...  pee in your pants funny.

Why would you sign up for this?

I know why.. cuz you know Chief needs her funny fix.



now...

While I am messing around... confessing shit and watching the BIG BALLS...  I was relieved to finally hear that M-Cat is at last going to shut up about this:

look, the concrete is wet from her washing it.. the poor doggie in the corner is just realizing he has been replaced.  So sad.

Go over and tell her how cute it is so she will finally shut up.  She hounded her husband for so long about it, he sold the house, the kids and the other dog to get it for her.  She is a spoiled brat.

Happy Birthday JENNFAB!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you... HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JENNFAB!

happybirthdaytoyou,,,

A member of the wolf pack is another year older today and I don't want to hear any belly aching or bawling about getting older.

Getcher big girl panties on and take it like a WOMAN...

Maybe like one of these women:

it is questionable whether or not two of these women are wearing any underwear at all.  Just take a minute and think about that....  I will wait here while it sinks in.

....waiting for the barf bags to fill...


I bet their panties look a little like these:

For some true blogger comedy I thought about actually getting some HUGANTEOUS panties and getting in them for you to honor your birthday but even Lane Giant doesn't have undies big enough for this fatass<---I'm lying, I just didn't have time to stop by and grab a pair so I am borrowing googles undies

I wanted to buy a pair like these...

but then I thought about your loose bowel issues and considered some of these instead...

I bought these in bulk and I have them on their way to your house in various colors to match every outfit.

at Dicks in San Antonio on the Riverwalk.. the waiters make crazy hats for you to wear that are insulting and hysterical!

Here's mine... the waiter found out I was a Mormon from Utah

I love ya Jenn and hope you have the best birthday ever!

talk to me about it.. you wont be sorry!

Head Dumbass

I will try to keep this light but I am so frustrated.

I know I've gotten a ton of flack from some of the more prudish bloggers for overusing the word dumbass so if you are one of them who is still lurking, even though you called me boorish and promised never to read me again, yet I see your IP address in my analytics (you know who you are.. snort) you might want to move on to the next boring blog in your reader as mine is just way too spicy for you.  I plan to use the word dumbass throughout this whole post so don't say you haven't been warned.  I'm such a potty mouth ~wink

I am not a huge fan of super long posts as I have a hard time keeping my attention for longer than a few seconds so I will give you the short version.

Y'all know by now that I live with a houseful of dumbasses.  It's not their fault, it's genetic<---from my mother inlaw but that doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with it all.

So here is the gist:


Duke is Head Dumbass.


The end.

He He.  you need more?

Well, this is the deal.  Duke has to get a total knee replacement July 7th.  While this is miserable for him I think we all know who should really be getting your sympathy... ME!  This bawl baby can't handle a gas pain without flopping around like a fish, crying for his mother.  How is this whole thing going to work?  He requires 24/7 care for a WEEK!  SEVEN DAYS!  I refuse to wipe his hiney.. just saying.  He will be home from work for at least 4 WEEKS!  Yes I typed FOUR, quatro<---for the democrats 4 weeks... OhMyHellOnEarth!

More about this coming in the next few weeks, I don't want to get into it right now....  it's too depressing for me.

So anyhackey.. he has been complaining of a stomach ache for a few days.  I told him it was the birthday cake, ice cream, and taffy but I'm no professional MD. but I do believe I have found the true cause...

The knee Dr. gave him some pills for the pain in his knee.  I WAS VERY NERVOUS ABOUT THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THESE PILLS!  They raise your blood pressure (already an issue) and cause holes in the stomach and colon.  WOW!  Who would take these knowing that they will cause more problems than the pain in your knee?  Well, Duke loves them and has been taking them for 2 weeks.  I beg him to take them with food but I refuse to babysit anymore than I already do and I won't spoon feed him.  I told him of the side effects and how he is NOT to take them with any other meds either.

So his stomach hurts all weekend and today I ask him "Head Dumbass, what have you eaten today?"  

to which he replies "not much". 

Then I say "have you taken the 'death' pills on an empty stomach?" 

to which he says "I can't eat if my stomach hurts!"

me  "So then you shouldn't take the pills, REMEMBER?"

head dumbass says "I don't want to hear it!  The pills aren't even helping the pain anymore anyway so I have had to take ibuprofen like chiclets all day!"

"hmmm... and you say you have a stomach ache?"  I ask dumbfounded

and he ends the conversation with "THANKS FOR THE SYMPATHY CHIEF!  Nothing like getting your ass chewed when you feel like shit!"

sigh... !

This is going to be the longest summer of my life.  Someone please come take at least one of my dumbasses away so I'm not so outnumbered.

What say Ye?

Put yer caption on this pic.  

C'mon... I know you've got something to say about this....

14 years with Bud... how have we done it?

(warning: partial re-post)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUD!

I found a few pictures that describe the adventure that has been the past 14 years with Bud. No one can adequately describe what life with Bud has been like as he is as unique as a $3 bill. Hopefully these pictures can give a bit of a glimpse.

Age 1

Age 2

2 years and already working the phones

 By 18 months we had to Bud proof the house. We bungeed ovens, dishwashers and fridges shut. We even used bungees to hold the kitchen chair legs together under the table so that he wouldn't use them to wreck havoc or get himself killed.

This about sums up Bud's whole personality.

He LOVED The Price is Right and Blues Clues. He had every Blues Clues gizmo, gadget and replica known to man. Here he is singing with his Blue. Cute Bud.

Hmmm...how did he get up there? I can guarantee that those chairs are bungeed together under that table.  Dude that is a couple of U.G.L.Y. couches.

Age 7 at the Salt Lake Bees game. (baseball)

Age 8 Fisherman's Wharf CA

We enrolled him in a hip hop dance class for a few years and he really loved showing his 'tude. He was one "bad" dude.

He started football at age 11. I had always said we could try it when he was 12. Not only was it hard holding his dad off that long, his pediatrician took one look at him at his yearly check up and told me I was crazy not to let him play. "He will not be the one to get hurt in a collision" he said. "He is built for the game and somewhere there is a team out there searching for a player just like him." Dad was thrilled, Bud was scared and so was mom and we forked over the wad of cash and registered. I have to admit, it was the best thing we could have done for him. His confidence, body image, self esteem, social skills, work ethic and overall health have benefited so much from the two years he has played. He has a real talent and improves every day he is on the field. (He is also dang cute when he's all decked out in his uniform.)

The whole family; Nana, Papa, Aunt Lindsey, Uncle Jay and baby Connor all come out to see him play each week. I wonder some times if he is as excited as the rest of us for the season to start.

Cabo San Lucas 2010

I feel old this year.  Other birthdays have come and gone and I don't seem as effected as I do this year.  Maybe it's because this year he is getting an electric razor for his birthday.  Something just seems wrong about that!

We love our Bud.

To catch some of the Conversations with Bud (which are a serious crack up) click on the tag below "conversations with bud"

A tribute to dads

Happy Fathers Day!  (Today is Bud's Birthday too, I will add a post later dedicated to that bundle of adolescent joy sometimes this weekend as well)

So Toothsoap is hosting a contest to show off our dad photos so I dug through the archives and pulled some of my favorites.  I'm not going to pick just one and if it disqualifies me then, thats OK... rules are rules and I am not one for breaking the rules (snort)


Here is one of my favorites because neither of them knew I was snapping pictures.  Booger and Duke installing our new floor.  Booger ALWAYS has to be with dad when there's "fixin' stuff" to do.  He was just 3 years old here.

My dad and Bud fishing at Strawberry Reservoir.  Duke was there too (he's taking the pics).  Obviously Bud caught 2 fish that day :)  Bud was 8 years old.

Duke and Bud.  This was our trip to Washington.  Bud was just barely a year.

If you've been a reader of mine for a while you have seen this pic.  It's still a fave for me.  Duke giving Bud the "OLD FATHER, SON FOOTBALL TIPS"  I doubt Bud was listening.  He was 12 here. As you can see Duke has the uniform, the hat and the whole get-up ready to go for every game.

This is one that makes me smile and breaks my heart all at the same time.  Duke and his Dad in our very first house doing some handiwork.  His dad was one of my most favoritest people in the world.  Cancer took him way too young.  I MISS YOU MOOSE!

So there are my contributions.  All winners if you ask me.  HAPPY FATHERS DAY EVERYONE!

GLAM...Forgive me for I have sinned....

you know I made that button.. right?

Im gonna confess some stuff today because I need it.  It's one thing us Mormon's don't have that I am jealous about with the Catholics.  Trust Glamazon to bring Catholicism to this respectable Mormon blog.

Here goes...

Forgive me Glam for I have sinned...

1.  I am a really cranky biotch when I have PMS.  I can't do anything, speak correctly or find the gas tank release lever on my car and I get really pissed off.  I know why Im cranky and I know I shouldn't be mean to people but I don't give a shitster.  I need my uterus removed.

2.  I am super, uber competetive.  I would compete with Obama as King Douchebag even though deep down I know he has that title carved in stone on BP's Headquarter Cornerstone, just because I should be #1 at anything and everything.  It is why I have to take the little yellow pill at night.

3.  I take a little yellow pill.  I have to or I may peel my face off with a spackle knife.  I suffer from depression and have my entire life.  The yellow pill helps me function but also deadens the feeling that most of you feel through out the day.  I dont have swooping ups and downs and my sex drive is in the toilet.  It is hereditary and I am scared for my children who show signs occasionally of the illness.  Depression isn't fictional or something that is controlled without medication to balance seratonin.  This is why I call it an illness.  Sometimes I feel inferior for having to take the pill, but mostly I feel blessed that it exists so that I can function as a wife, mother, employee, daughter, sister and friend.  It doesn't make me perfect (ahem... not that I don't try). It just allows me life.

4.  I am fiercely loyal.  I will stick by you forever once I break down the barriers and let you into my heart.  It takes a while to get there, but once you do... you have a friend for life and I will do anything for you.  ANYTHING.

5.  If you are a friend and you hurt me... it will crush me.  Just as if I hurt you (inadvertantly) I will be equally as devastated.  My friends are part of my family.

6.  I have a few occupations.  One is a Publishing Mom for Macaroni Kid.  I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS JOB!  My family works together to bring community activities and events to local parents.  I work for an amazing national organization full of moms just like me.  We have enjoyed concerts, restaurants, classes and products we would never have done without this opportunity.  It is amazing and if you are someone who loves their community and loves, getting busy with events and exploring new hobbies with your family... this is the job for you!  Contact me for the scoop.  I PROMISE YOU WILL LOVE IT!

7. I love Glamazon.  She is one of the people described  in #5.  I'm thinking about selling the money pit of a house I live in, buying an RV and moving up to her neighborhood and parking in her backyard.  I think she won't mind.

talk to me about it.. you wont be sorry!

Wordless Wednesday - DDoR STYLE YO!

talk to me about it.. you wont be sorry!

Does this mean I'm Ellie May?

Four years ago I broke down and bought a trampoline.  This was a HUGE deal for the kids as I had swore to them they would never have a tramp as long as I was their mother.

But I lied.  and I bought them one.  I guess I'm determined to have them break at least one bone in their lifetime.  I've never had one and I'm starting to think it may be a right of passage somehow.

anyhoodle...

It lasted a couple of years, braving the Utah freezing winters and scorching hot summers as I refused to take the sumbitch down for winter after the hell I went through to get it together the first time.  So the springs rusted and the material tore and yet just like The Clampett's from Beverly Hills we left the tired POS out in the yard and the kids continued to play with it for another few years.

Well, the time came when there was no other use for it and the kids threw the remains in the trash bin.. <---last night..

and the inevitable question was raised...

Mom?  NOW can we get a new trampoline?

SHIEET!  Can we get one pre-assembled for hell sakes?

UGH!

So needless to say I just got home from Wal-Mart with the dreaded new trampoline.  I have "THE BOYS" out attempting to put it together.  I can't bring myself to go out and help yet, the memories are still too raw.  I guess I will just wait here until Duke comes in pissed off and Booger is following behind crying because he pinched his fingers on the springs and Bud is trapped inside the mat with a pole in his ass rolling around screaming for someone to call 911.

Yeah.. I think I will hold off and wait for that.  I have been looking for a source of entertainment...

WAIT!  I'm gonna go get a picture for y'all...

Hold the line please...

I will be back in a jiffy.

K.. downloading pics from camera.... stay on the line a bit longer...  here.. grab a book...

K... all set...

yes, that is the remnants of trash all over the backyard.  and Booger lounging in a chair.  and yes, that is duke in pajama pants....  (Let me tell you 'bout a story of a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed... )

the more I took a look around I saw where all the boys socks have gone...  it seems when Bud mows the lawn he ignores anything in his path. 

My family seems to have problems keeping their laundry where it should be lately.. dontcha think?

(then one day he was shootin' at some food.. when up through the ground came a bubblin' crude...)



(Oil that is... Black Gold... Texas Tea...)

talk to me about it.. you wont be sorry!

"Conversations with Booger".....Look What I Found!

Booger: the 9 year old wonder boy: "Mom...  Mom.....  MOOOOM!"

Chief: sigh... "What Boog?"

Booger: "Look what I have on?"

....he pulls the side of his pants on to show me his boxer briefs

Chief:  confused  "Underwear?  You want me to see your underwear?"

Booger: proud a peacock "Yup!  I found them when I cleaned my room.  Did you know I had like 10 pair under my bed?  I bet they've been there a whole year or something."

Chief: "Super... so I can assume you will grace us with underwear for at least 10 days?"

Booger: "Huh?"

P.S. For my Utah peeps, I have a Giveaway going on for Eclipse Premier "Private Showing" tickets and a $20 gift card to Rock Creek Pizza over at FB Macaroni Kid.  Go "like" my MK page so you wont miss out on the announcement tonight on how you can win A NIGHT OUT WITHOUT THE KIDDOS!

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