What hurts worse ... Highlights or head bashing?

Its amazing to me that a kid who has no problem going out 5 days a week and getting bashed to bits on the football field, cries like a little girl when he gets his hair done.

He begs and begs for me to highlight his hair....

I avoid it at all costs..

you would think it would be easier having a salon in your home but I get sick of it.  Its too easy to make an appointment.  theres no caller id


So he hounded and hounded until I gave in during Monday Night Football, I finally gave in.

Maggie was my assistant

 Not happy about the pictures.  I promised it was only going to be sent to Supah... snort.

 Each one of those spikes resulted in exclamations of:

GEEZE!

CUT IT OUT MOM!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OUCH!

YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE IT HURT!

WUSS.

I just can't conform to society....

I will never be like the rest of you....

Sometimes this bothers me, I think something is wrong with me so I attempt to bridge the gap between myself and the rest of society... and I fail.

Last year I tried to conform but I threw up in my mouth...

This year I was told I HAD TO TRY AGAIN!  "You are missing out, Chief!"... "YOU WILL LOVE IT, if you just give it another try!"

sigh...

so I set up the DVR for a season pass and shut the laptop to devote all my attention on conforming to society.

4 minutes in...  an eye twitch... "DEEP BREATHS CHIEF, you can do this... you can be like all the others and LOVE THIS shizz.." I tell myself.

(Everyone tells me I will love SUE... Just watch Sue they say... so I focus on the SUE character....)

6 minutes in.. Duke looks over at me... I am frothing at the mouth ... he is smiling, knowing there is about to be a combustion beyond anything he has ever seen.

"How ya doin' over there Chief?"

"I'm gonna give it a few more minutes... its not too bad" <-----insert squeaky voice here

9 minutes in... commercial... sigh... take a sip of the hard stuff and ask Duke how much longer until the show is over.  He grins and tells me 51 minutes... then he pops some popcorn to watch ME.

11 minutes in... a kid is singing in the locker room shower... convulsions begin.. I pop an excedrine

Duke kicks back the recliner and starts to giggle.

"I CAN DO THIS!  I LOVE THIS SHOW!"  I scream....  "IT's AWESOME!"


until 16 minutes in... when two shrillish girls are talking in the bathroom and they break out in song and dance...

Arms go up... food goes flying... dog starts barking

"OHHHH-KAYY!  That's it... I'M DONE!  TURN IT OFF QUICK before I put my fist through the screen....  MUTE.. .MUTE IT!  I can't stand it!  What the hell are people thinking?  What has this world come to?  WHY DO THEY KEEP SINGING?  They are lip syncing.. OMG... please make it stop"<---wimpering

Please for the love of all that is holy...

*shudder*



Y'all can have that show all you want... I feel dumber for the 16 minutes I lived through it.  SUE was the best part of the whole thing ... did not have what it took to reel me in to that blithering crap... sorry...  Ellen DeGeneres couldn't save that show....  Society can SUCK IT

I'll say ... What ever she said

I know.. Im not posting anything.  Seriously.. I dont know what to even blog about lately...

Is it the bunshole parent who chews my ass during carpool...?

or... the fact that I am usually exhausted and need to pare down my responsibilities but I dont have the gonads to do it...?

I actually had a great post lined up in my head this weekend but it has been pushed out my ears with other issues not nearly as entertaining.

So here is what I was gonna post about... She says it much better than I could anyway...

I will add that at one point I told myself if she came at me for a hug again I was gonna throw beat down on her.

So.. That's What She Said

really... follow the link to see That's What She Said....

YES!  she said it... but That's What She Said....

Ok Im done

sigh.... I need some sleep.. head over and see Bud put the dance moves on his Old Lady

A test to see if M-Cat reads

ME... AT WORK THESE DAYS

What to buy for my new, clean organized kitchen

Ok.. getting some housecleaning done as you know from last weeks post.  What perfect timing when another great review offer came through from my contact at CSN Stores. CSN Stores has over 200 online stores where you can find everything from a platform bed to fantastic fitness equipment to cookware! 


I have recently purchased a kitchen faucet, dog collar,and a new fry pan from their amazing selection of stuff everyone needs...

I thinking something else for my kitchen again since Im still using stuff given to me as a wedding gift 17 years ago.

Maybe cabinet hardware, or a bread box, or .... or......


Stay tuned for a "Chiefed" up post on how CSN is belong get my life in order.

Another year has passed.... and he is still an old fart

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUKE!


Shawna made this cake for Duke for his birthday in honor of the time he spent peeing into his urinal after surgery....  This item nearly cost us our marriage.

I know.. its inappropriate and disgusting. 

But not as inappropriate and disgusting as last years.

The encription on the toilet seat read... "Everything turns to shit at 47"

Yeah that was a hard turd to swallow...

So anyhonkie... DUKE!  I wanna say thanks for letting me put up with your dumbassness... 

I love ya... even if you are an old fart.

Mabel's Labels

 Guess What Shell Introduced me to?

MABELS LABELS!


This site is crazy awesome!  Are you always trying to figure out how to get your kids name on things?  Seriously.. the boys have Sharpie marks all over their stuff in hopes when I go searching in the lost and found, I can figure out what used to be mine.


The have tags for bottles, clothing, shoes, bags, backpacks, notebooks.. whatever you want identified...


 Aside from the labels and tags that they offer, they also have stationary products like Mama Cards ™.

There are five different designs and you choose the wording. I am getting a set of these for my Macaroni Kid business. How cute are they?  They were generous enough to send me a set to try out! 

Hey! Even though these are called Mama Cards ™, you can come up with your own use for them like I did.

You wanna win some? <---Thanks Mabel!

Leave a comment below and tell me what you love most on the Mabel Label website.

Thats it.. I will draw a name from Random.org and  BLAMO!  you win.



If you dont win, you can buy some Mama Cards of your own at Mabel's Labels for $29.00. Each order includes 100 cards that are 5-3/4" x 4-3/8" in size.



GOOD LUCK!

How a corn cob in my bed changed my life

For the loyal minions who have followed this crap for over a year.  You will remember this shocking post where I laid it all out there for the world to see how we live in the nuthouse.

After that post I thought about getting one of these...

But I was skeered.

YES!  Scared!  I don't want  someone rummaging through my underwear drawer, or seeing the 2 inch thick drips of food on my cabinet fronts!

So I didn't hire one.

Then I started Macaroni Kid and other online marketing part time jobs to go with my full time job at the school and the house got worse.  (It may or may not have something to do with a corn cob in my bed.)

Supah said "Chief!  You gotta get a maid.  It will change your life.  I got one a few months ago and I will never go back to the mess."

sigh

I was skeered

I thought about it.. and thought...

until the first of this week.... when I called a place an old high school friend of mine suggested.

I told Robyn (The owner) that I was skeered, antisocial, unorganized, embarrassed and overall a blathering mess who works WAAAY too much. She set my mind at ease and came over to do a bid for me.
I opened my kitchen cabinets to show her how bad my life is.  I think she may or may not have pooed herself, (I don't know because the house is so dirty it smells like poo most of the time.)

Then she offered to completely reorganize the entire kitchen in addition to having the house deep cleaned... FOR $70 EXTRA DOLLARS!  I pooed

Then I gave her the additional $80 and asked her when she could start.  She said she would send HER CREW (yes I said CREW, Supah) over two days later.

That was Wednesday.

4 people came with equipment I have never seen the likes of..

They had razor blades, blowers, suckers, scrubbers, shiners, buffers, scrapers....

they spent 6 hours... 6

I should be embarrassed, but I'm not.  24 professional hours of cleaning is what it took for me to know what its like to live without filth...

Its amazing.. the drips, are gone

the goo on the ceiling... gone

baseboards, air vents, grout, kids rooms, closets, cupboards, toilet seat hinges, Wii cords, ceiling fans, door bell box, refrigerator grate, walls...

all like new.

for $170

These ladies not only did this:

THEY WASHED THE SHEETS! and started a load of laundry that was in the hamper.

They set out air freshener...


WE walked into the house and the four of us just stood in the entry and stared.

SILENCE

until Bud said he needed to poo.. REAL BAD






I snapped my head to look at him and told him he would have to poo outside like the dogs.


he knew I wasn't kidding and he was scared.

I told him he couldn't go outside until it was dark or the neighbors would see... he clinched his backside and looked worried.  So I told Duke to take him to the gas station to poo.

there was no argument.  My kid was taken to a convenience store to poo.

(those of you who are new readers.. think I'm joking.  The die hard Chief fans.. know I am dead serious)


snort...

I'm thinking of gettin an outhouse.. that looks like a shed.


So anyhoodle.. I immediately got on Skype and told Supah about my house.  I told her about the scraping, the scrubbing, the laundry... and guess what she did.


She told me to F*ck Off!  Apparently she thinks I am trying to one up her with my cleaning CREW.. because she only has this:

She has issues.. real bad jealousy issues with me<---we all know this, and its sad


This was the icing on the cake for her.  She doesn't get clean sheets and dishes and laundry.  She gets no razoring or buffing.  I asked her where she found her pitiful cleaning LADY <---not crew... THE SOUP KITCHEN!

you know what she said?

F*ck YOU! again

she is real mad

I feel a bit guilty now... not because my house is cleaner than hers... and she is the one that pushed me to do it in the first place..

I feel bad for the old lady she fired last night in a Dear John letter because she LOST HER PHONE NUMBER!  I asked her "How do you lose the phone number of your cleaning lady?"

and she told me to eff off again and reminded me about the corn cob.

woops

So Supah will soon have a CREW  like me.. she keeps trying to beat me.. keeps trying to climb the ladder of success that is the Chief...

It's sad.


Images courtesy of Google